I had a thought-provoking conversation with a friend, and I walked away with an understanding of a different perspective. We were discussing relationships with people who operate upon the rules of transactions. I shared how I have a hard time co-operating in close proximity with persons who have transactional mindsets when it comes to family. To me, important relationships are atmospheres. The individuals involved make sacrifices for the shared atmosphere. Depending on the history of relationships, some atmospheres require greater or lengthier sacrifices than others. For instance, if you are building a 1,000 sq ft home compared to a commercial property, the commercial property requires more time and resources. However, the capacity of the commercial building is greater than the 1,000 sq ft home. The speed of the home being built doesn’t account for the capacity of the commercial property purpose. Relationships are much like so in my mind.
Transactional relationships are just that. A visit to the store, you get what you desire, and you pay for it either in credit(future) or debit(present). In transactional relationships, there is a history that is maintained. (Receipts) Along with receipts, you have reviews, which is your praise reports, acknowledgments (personal or public). Each transaction has a value (price tag) that comes with it. Persons in transactional relationships make transactions based on their personal desire for the value of the exchange. For instance, if gifts are what’s being exchanged, the value of the gift is based on the reviews of prior transactions. Let’s say person "A" loves receiving expensive gifts and they have criteria for their gift giving. Person "A" will only give expensive gifts if either they receive what they deem valuable reviews (public acknowledgment and praise) that earns them status with people, places and things or they also receive expensive gifts of equal or greater value. Person "A" usually has a sense of entitlement if their gift giving is not returned because receipts say person "A" is owed. The intent behind person "A’s" giving is for value to be returned to them. Only giving to take. This sounds much like a business. This type of relationship is great for businesses and ust that, transactions.
Atmospheric relationships that burn from sacrifices are much more sacred, genuine, and can far outlast the transactional relationships. The atmosphere is birthed in agreement. Agreement upon a long-term goal or mission. This type of relationship is the foundation of a healthy family structure. Members involved in this relationship sacrifice and give in the atmosphere as a call of duty to fulfill what they contribute to the atmosphere. The reason I keep using the word sacrifice is because unlike a transaction, things may not always be an immediate exchange. Much like a parental-child relationship. The parent provides, protects, invests, and nurtures as a call of duty, not demanding the child to return the equal or greater value, and not taking away parental provision because of dissatisfaction of desires being unfulfilled. A mother loves her children in the way she communicates with them, guides them, making sure they are comfortable at night, clean with warm bellies, etc. She doesn’t wake the next day waiting for her needs to be fulfilled in the way she did for the children the day before. Yet, she continually makes sacrifices in the atmosphere of the home as the children mature. The children learn to be grateful not because of what she does but for the sacrifices of the mother's own gratitude for the space that she is a part of. Motherhood. After all her days, this mother’s sacrifices will be felt, the atmosphere will still exist in the future homes of her children and her children’s children. In this atmosphere the value can go undetected if you’re only willing to see the value of material items.
This perspective is only a perspective. I agree that transactional relationships have their purpose as every relationship is not always intended for every season. However, in the conversation that brought about this thought, many families have transitioned to a transactional structure. I have witnessed marriages that have been broken in the conditions of transactional contracts and parental relationships that struggle because of a greater love of money versus people. Everyone has the right to choose how we spend our lifetime. Whether transactional or atmospheric, or a mix of both, live intentionally. Consider the relationships that you are building or apart of. Are they transactional, a healthy atmosphere or perhaps another relational form? This conversation really caused me to check the way that I show up in my relationships and what relationships that I no longer want to be a part of.
PRAYER
Thank you, Yahweh, for relationships that you have blessed us with. May you guide us in the relationships that we are called to in this season and the relationships that you are calling us to forsake. Bring corrections to the relationships that you have called us to pour into. We thank you for your love and light and ask that you increase in us so that what you have written in heaven concerning us is released in the earth. In the name of Yeshua
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